Damn you pregnancy hormones, damn you! Today, at almost 26 weeks, I am a blubbering mess.
This morning I did the Glucose Tolerance Test. A 2 hour combination of blood tests, sugary drinks, sugar highs, sugar lows, and hormone provocation. During the second hour, waiting in between blood test number two and blood test number three, I picked up a copy of That's Life magazine. After drooling over a Tim-Tam Cherry Chocolate Cake recipe (I am currently on day 5 of no chocolate, self-imposed), I made the mistake of reading a sad story of a 4 year-old's lost battle with cancer and found myself sobbing in the waiting room. Chicky is 4. I managed to pull myself together just in time for the last bloods and to get the hell out of there to cuddle my children.
This afternoon I checked out a recently found blog/website called Scary Mommy. The author is quite raw, honest and hilarious. I found the website a few weeks ago when googling Vulvar Varicosities - a rarely mentioned possible side-effect of pregnancy which I was horrified to experience before learning about. Google it if you dare, but if you're faint hearted or yet to embark on the journey that is pregnancy, maybe it's best you don't. Anyway, today I stumbled across a post called Motherhood is... and alternated between laughing and welling up. Then I read a reader's comment: "Motherhood is watching your children sleep and praying that you’ll have another chance to be a better mom to them the next day." That was it. All composition I had regained from the morning was gone again. I often find myself hoping I have a chance tomorrow to be a better mum, to be the mum I aspire to be. Luckily Chicky and Poppet were both having quiet time, so I could escape to the carport and let the emotions out without the "why are you crying Mummy?" questions.
Thrown into the works today I have had to explain dwarfism to Chicky after she expressed "Why is that lady so little?! No ladies are EVER that little!" in ear shot of someone who was in fact that little. I have also had discussions about the necessity of Woolworths employees to eat lunch too, discussed the brain size of a magpie and why they swoop us even when we don't want to hurt their babies, wiped several poos that weren't my own, pretended to be Hansel and Gretel's nasty stepmother and pretended to take my children into the forest and leave them there (a favourite game of Chicky's of late), read several stories multiple times, diffused an argument over who was eating who's hair, and been kicked countless times from the inside. These are just the things that spring to mind, and the afternoon is still young.
Motherhood is... learning everyday a new part about motherhood.
Motherhood is... recognising that the traits you find most irritating in your children are the traits most similar to your own, and not getting angry at them for it.
Motherhood is... looking at your children playing quietly and wondering how in the world you were so lucky to be given the best job in the world, even if you were pulling your hair out in rage at them 5 minutes earlier.
Motherhood is... inviting other mothers over for some adult conversation, starting 25 different conversations but not finishing any.
Motherhood is... calling me. Looks like it's the end of quiet time and the end of this post.
I'd love to hear some other people's thoughts on motherhood.